I Believed I Wasn’t Good Enough

And I lived my life believing I wasn’t good enough and my poor choices reected my belief.

This used to be my prison.

Always wondering what others thought of me. The way they said something or didn’t say something, the message or email they sent. I could create a whole story of why they hated me, were angry or upset at me and why I clearly wasn’t good enough and that’s why they didn’t like me.

It was like I had a crystal ball and I knew exactly what they thought about me and of course, according to me, they hated me. But in reality I didn’t know.

All of those feelings of not feeling good enough were mine to own and take responsibility and not blame someone else and put on them my lack of self worth.

I spent most of my childhood and into my thirties thinking this and giving my power of self worth to others.

My four abusive relationships reflected my unhealthy need to be liked. My unhealthy need to be wanted. My unhealthy need to be loved.

My extremely abusive ex-husbands highlighted all this in me. It wasn’t just with them that I felt worthless, I actually had never felt good enough since my childhood. They were just the mirrors of my own lack of self-worth.